More than enough...

11.22.12

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!  As I sit here in my pjs, surrounded by boxes and tubs that arrived on the container yesterday, I am still reeling and processing what Thanksgiving means to me this year.

As we speak, a Haitian woman, Milouse, is cleaning our house.  Well, she is trying to...admidst all of the stuff that fills the open spaces she is sweeping the floors and washing the dishes.  I wonder what she thinks of the table that is now abounding with food-the food we stocked up on at Sam's club before we left.  The food that was found in aisles and aisles of "bulk" supplies...the food that we didn't worry about the cost or really think twice about buying.  What does she think of the tubs of dishes that are at her feet...she carries around a yellow bucket from some type of industrial grout and each day she brings it to the kitchen to have her lunch put in it.  She drinks her water out of what ever recycled bottle she can find...I wonder what she is thinking...

I had this often yesterday...

Of course when the day started, I didn't feel this way at all.  We had been looking forward to the container coming for weeks!  It started to almost be a Taboo word, because the container began to be this mythical place where all of our stuff was but we never really knew if it was going to show up here and we for surely didn't know when it would arrive.  We knew that we wanted our beds and our pillows.  It is to the point that I was waking up with a kink in my neck daily, combine that with the bumpy roads here and there are many a days I am praying for a massage therapist or a chiropractor ;)  We also knew we wanted the food we had on the container.  All the way from staples for cooking to snacks we can't get here, cereal and pop tarts...we were all excited about the food.

The container pulled onto the yard.  Many Haitian men saw it coming and knew that the last time we got a container, that meant work for them.  There were many things on the first container that were heavy and towards the end required more man power to remove.  With this container having much of our personal stuff we really didn't feel like we needed as much help and we already had a crew of 8-10 inside the gate.  As we stood back and looked at it we realized that the container we packed our stuff in was red; this container was gold.  This cannot be a good sign.  The container we packed was packed so tightly-wall to wall and floor to ceiling...how did they unpack it all and get it all back in without a problem.  When they opened the door, it was evident...It was almost like they had taken everything out and then scooped it up with a big crane and just dumped it back in.

When the first opened the door, and even before that I was in a good place.  It is just stuff.  We have been fine without it to this point.  If a few things are missing or broken it is fine.  It is just stuff.  Bible verses were going through my head...or chunks of them b/c I am not good at memorizing ;)  "Do not store up your treasures on earth where moths and rusts destroy...store up your treasures in heaven..."  "Do not worry about what you will eat, do not worry about what you shall wear..."  "And he sold everything he had..."

As they started to unpack the container, there were lids to tubs floating around, random shoes coming out without their matches, and boxes that were no longer well labeled.  I was doing ok...but slowly I was beginning to feel very emotional...not sure why...

Soon I realized that in the distance we were drawing a crowd.  Nannies were starting to look out from their rooms and gather in the open spaces in the distance to see what was going on.  As I stood among the boxes, examining what we (I) had packed to move down I was overwhelmed.  There was SO much!  SO much stuff....clothes and shoes and beds and books and toys and food and art supplies and kitchenware and bathroom supplies...

And most of the people helping this and watching this live in one to two bedroom homes with 3-10 other people.  They have 1-2 mattresses in the home that are shared...our nannies sleep on mattresses I wouldn't sleep on...and here I sat with more mattresses than people in my family...

The guys began to haul stuff up to the porch.  Soon Rob and I found ourselves standing on our porch just looking at each other.  You could hardly navigate a path to the door due to all of the stuff.  Our eyes met.  I think Rob could tell I was on the verge of tears..."I feel like an ass" was his response.  "This is not ok" was mine.  Then I cried...

I cried because I was embarrassed.  Where did I get all this stuff?  How did I let this accumulation happen?  Why didn't I see it?  I also cried for the blessings that the Lord has given me.  I recognize that...but I cried for the ways my stuff had defined me at home.  How I wasn't who I was supposed to be b/c I couldn't separate myself from it...does that make sense?  My girls were always the beautiful blondies who were dressed well.  They always had toys to play with-enough for all of the kids on the block to come and play too all at once.  I wonder how many families I could feed with the amount of scrapbooking supplies I have?

God, what are you doing?!?  Why didn't you tell me!!!  I could have packed less...I would have packed less...

As the day went on, I could hardly talk about it.  I didn't want any excuses...I know that we were in a different place when we packed to move here.  It is further embarrassing to think of how much I didn't bring.  How much I got rid of-and the fact that I was so proud of that.  And how much we will still go back to at home.

The kids were great!  They were so excited to get their baby dolls out and they actually found them right away.  (The only thing they really packed for toys when we first came was their American Girl Dolls; they each packed one baby on the container so they were ready for Ashleigh, Katie, and Katelyn to arrive!).  They were off and playing with their babies and Elijah not long after that.  They went to the VP's and were making forts out of the cushions, etc that were being shifted and moved in their space--I was excited to still see their creative fun still coming out.

When they came back later that afternoon they were getting out all of the accessories for their babies, etc.  There was a moment that they were kind of fighting and saying "Mine!" and I just stopped them...

"You guys...who are we in Haiti?  Why do you think God called us here?"
"To love on all the babies," Gracie said.  She and I had just had a talk the night before about this.
"You are right.  Can we do that and have this stuff at the same time?"
Karys was very quick to reply, "Mom, if we can't do it and love the babies than we need to put it all back."

Thank you, Jesus...

We asked the questions of everyone that night, "What are the best things that the container brought us?"  Everyone resounded with FOOD and OUR BEDS!  It was UNANIMOUS!  Sure there were other things that we were all excited about and that will be useful and fun, but God is teaching us and showing us what we NEED and guiding us in what it looks like to be simple.

So in the days and weeks to come, I need you to join me in praying.  We are hoping to cut what we brought in half (at least).  Whether that goes to the new child homes being built, dishes for the volunteer house, toys for the kiddos, or clothing for the nannies and their families.  We are going to be spending our holiday season on trying to get rid of our excess instead of adding to it.  The kids are still getting gifts and they have each chosen 2-3 things that are fun and exciting and splurges if you will, but the rest of their lists are snacks and books for school and practical things for our daily life here.

I want you all to know I am not trying to sound self righteous.  That I am doing something so wonderful and great...the feelings and emotions are painful...my dear friend described it well by saying, sometimes God rips off our edges and the things that we stick to ourselves and allow to define us to reveal something more...something of HIM and who He made us to be.

Where does God want to tear something away...and that is what it feels like, tearing a scab off a fresh wound.  It is crazy to me how the things that we add to our lives, the things we intentionally surround ourselves with, or even sometimes unintentionally, can be the things that end up causing us the most pain.  But when we are able to get to the core of who we were created to be...when we can look at the things that God wants to add to our lives in his way and his time...that is when we are growing and that is when we are moving towards wholeness.

If you are looking for a place to start...buy the book "Seven" by Jen Hatmaker.  That would be a Black Friday purchase worth making ;)  More on that another day...