I have been trying to catch up on all of my posts so that everything stayed in chronological order...well, I had been writing everything down in the journal and there are just not enough hours in the day right now to catch up quickly...so I am going to just dive in with my daily blogs and hopefully soon I will be able to post the past weeks journey to catch you all up to speed :) Thanks for giving me grace with getting this going without consistent internet.
9.20.12
Wow...it has really been a long day. I realized this morning that we have been here 3 weeks today. This is officially the longest mission trip I have ever been on! Oh wait, this isn't a mission trip...hmmm, maybe the reality of that is what made today so long. Nonetheless, I haven’t had a long day like this in a while (ha! a few days anyway :). One of those long ones that are just hard. It is hard to be on the roller coaster still. I think I have a hard time giving myself grace. I am just ready for it to be easy. The kind of easy that just feels natural and feels right. There are places that feel right--parts of my day that I go through without even batting an eye. I love the mornings. Rob would laugh at this or maybe even roll his eyes. He has been getting up with Toby around 5 am each day. I wake up closer to 7/730am. He would say of course I love the mornings, I get to sleep in! But I do...i love waking up to Toby coming to crawl in bed with me and cuddling with me for a little bit. I love coming out and being greeted by hugs from Addy-this is something that happens no matter where we are. I love breakfast foods and we have a good selection of them. This is my favorite time to eat. It also seems like it is the best time just to “be”...I know I need to wake up earlier though b/c that time seems to go so fast and before I know it the VP’s are coming up the stairs to start school.
This morning as I was getting dressed, Addy must have thought I was getting dressed and ready to go somewhere. “You go to Papa’s house?” “No, Addy...I am just getting ready for school.” She went on to ask me if she could go to Papa’s house...”I just want to go for a week, mom. To see papa and leah and grandma sally...then I will come back.” Oh, sweet girl...would that be GREAT if we could do that! I know you miss Papa and the rest of the family...you are not alone, lovely!
Karys continues to wake up with some CRAZY sized bug bites. They are just massive and she just reacts to the bite so much. The worst part is that she itches and itches them until they are open. Every morning she has new ones and I just don’t know what to do. I am going to go in there before I go to bed tonight and rub some Skin So Soft on her that our friend, Darla gave us. Hopefully that will help! Pray for those and that someway, somehow she is able to stop itching!
I actually took the time this morning to pluck my eyebrows. This may seem strange to you, but I don’t spend a lot of time looking in the mirror and I have only worn makeup once in the past three weeks. Folks, this needed to be done! There is no need to grow a unibrow in Haiti. However, the best part was up until this day...more than likely, no one really noticed, judged me or thought any differently...there is FREEDOM in that! But for my own piece of mind we got that task checked off the list this am :)
I had to laugh out loud this morning, and our GREAT friend Pat would really appreciate this...I realized that as we have been doing school and just interacting more together, Gracie has picked up one of my highly used phrases. We were working on some math problems this morning and Karys said, “Wow! That one was SO easy!” and Gracie responded with, “I know, right!” There was a time where I had to consciously stop myself from saying that phrase b/c I knew how much I over used it...well, the phrase lives on in my little lady! I know you will love this, Pat!
Speaking of school, we had another GREAT day of school. It is amazing how well things are going right now with this transition. We are able to do things that they like to do to review before we really dig in and they feel empowered by the ability to chose and make requests each day as to what we do. The devo times have really been pretty great and we have been throwing in some Creole! It was fun to see them remember the words and phrases that they learned yesterday as well as some things that they picked up through interacting with the kids. Karys is really picking up quite quickly and taking on the accent as well. She will definitely be my most passionate Creole speaker when the time comes :)
She is just a smart little cookie in general. I am excited to get the curriculum going and dig into it. I am hoping to keep her challenged to offset her younger age and desire to bounce and wiggle and wander :) She and Gracie should be able to work alongside each other in a lot of ways though and I think they are both really looking forward to that and just encouraging and challenging each other. I am praying for heightened senses in recognizing unhealthy competition though...I want them to bless each other and just really develop ways to be their own person, respect the other person and push each other to be better.
We had breakfast pasta again for breakfast today...still can’t do it. Just cannot bring myself to eat pasta for breakfast. Have a hard time making my kids do it too, however, Addy did it all on her own today! She has the biggest snacking, sweet tooth of everyone, but she is also the best eater so far by a long ways :)
She was eager to get her breakfast eaten so that she could go find Jose. She just loves her friend, Jose and today she had decided that she was going to give one of her friendship bracelets to him. She waited for him to finish eating too and sought him out! His face was almost as GREAT and priceless as hers! I tied the bracelet on for him and he was just so grateful to her! “Addy, I am your friend?” and addy would just smile from ear to ear and say, “YUP!” It was so great!
Got an email update from Leah Dykstra today and she is ENGAGED!!! Missing her and Emily SOOOO much and our chats in the good ole NAL! So happy for her and Josh :)
sidenote: when you are awake at night typing your blog you can feel and realize how many bugs come out at night and crawl on you while you are sleeping :( gross!
I was so anxious for the mail to come this afternoon! I knew that we had mail coming but just didn’t know what exactly it would be. Rob had gone to the airport to get it and had text me that it was a good mail day for us! Later rather than sooner ;) he finally got back to COTP with it and it was a GREAT day! SIX boxes! That is SO exciting! Some of them hadn’t even been opened! Auntie Kris and Grandma Great and my parents really did a GREAT job of stocking our shelves and making us feel so at home and comfortable with our food choices and back-ups! Let’s just say graham crackers with Nutella never tasted so good! and we have 10 boxes of Almond milk!!! SO HUGE! You would not believe how many times all of the kids commented on how GREAT it was or we heard the words, “This is like Christmas!” How do you even wait a whole week to get mail again when mail days are this exciting!!! Thanks so much guys!!!
Creole class was challenging today. After missing yesterday and feeling distracted throughout by Addy and Gracie(she is usually with us every day and does great...just a hard moment today), I had a hard time paying attention. I am just having a hard time in general. I am not sure if it is just sinking in slowly...I think it is more that I am just so lacking the ambition to learn Creole right now. This is SO backwards from how it should be! I should be all over this and this should be such a priority...but it isn’t and I really have to force myself to go each day. I love the company, I adore the teacher...not sure where my heart is at with this or why I am feeling this way but if you could pray for this that would be amazing!
One more happy thing that happened tonight...Brooke had a surprise for the girls and it was just ADORABLE!!! She turned her room into a movie theatre and invited the girls over for the evening to watch a movie. She had tickets, movie choices, and even SNACKS!!! They couldn’t have smiled more and they just LOVED it! It was a GREAT distraction for the evening and really helped them wind down and make it til bedtime! Brooke is just so GREAT at these types of things. She thinks of all of the little details and really seeks to plan stuff she knows they will like and that will make them feel so special. Karys has been asking to do her make-up every night this past week but it has always gotten too late. We will see if this actually happens...I know that Karys is praying hard that this will be the next special thing that they get to do together!
On a lower note, this evening was a struggle for me. It is hard to know how to put this into words. My sister asked me tonight if anything specific happened to make me feel this way. Well, I think I am PMSing...Rob got invited to have beers with the guys (i don’t get invited anywhere)...I have been with the kids all day-all of them (not quite used to that with out at least a little break)...and really, despite my pity party...I TRULY, REALLY just want someone to ask me how I am. Someone I know and love who knows my heart and really cares about it...who really wants to ask me, “How is your heart?”
My mind slipped further and further into this pity spot...yet in it I found comfort in the things that I was missing. I would close my eyes and be sitting at my parents table, drinking raspberry truffle coffee with way too much creamer in it, playing FastTrak with all of my family members gathered around...I was in the basement of the Pella VL’s crammed on the couch with Rob, Chad and Shay waiting for the Olympics to come on or playing a game of Ticket to Ride...I was seated at Michelle Christy’s table with some of my dearest friends...at the coffee shop with some of my favorite ladies...at the OC park, chatting with friends while laughter filled the background as our kids played...sharing our weekly meal with dear, dear friends....
God, I would rather be anywhere but here...yet, as I let my mind drift to these places I began to open my eyes to what was around me. I knew that I had sat out on the porch in the dark for a reason...I wanted to cry. The phone had just cut off after only allowing me nine precious minutes to talk with my mama...I wanted to cry in the dark and just let all my tears come...but the darkness that filled my porch also illuminated the world that surrounded me. Near by there are a whole lot of babies going to sleep without a mom or a dad next to them tonight...babies who Jesus loves and has commanded us to love as well. Near by there are 13 other international staff who I have agreed to partner with to serve our Lord and serve the COTP family. So yes, in my weakness and my sadness tonight I do still want to go home...even if it was just an hour! I would come back tomorrow ;) But in my knowledge of the Holy God of Israel...the Sovereign and Almighty Lord. I know and I trust his will and his plan...do I understand...absolutely not, in fact right now I am feeling pretty clueless as to what it is I signed up for. But I know and I trust...and that is enough for tonight.
And the Lord knows me and my heart as well. After my lowest point...after the phone died...after I told Rob goodnight but refused to go to bed with him...God comforted me. Through song, through sisters (I got to talk to both Sarah and Shay on FB chat!!!!!), and through a lovely, lovely video from my dear friend, Rachel and her PRECIOUS daughter Selah! (There were many more encouraging messages, posts, and words all of which I am GRATEFUL for!)
The Lord is near to the broken hearted, he hears them when they call...and he answers folks! He answers us and he is FAITHFUL! Tomorrow is a new day! Let’s pray that my hours of sleep are multiplied tonight...I am going to need it!
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