Home Again, Home Again, Jiggety Jig

We are here…

We are breathing slowly again…

There is something about being away from your home for 3+ weeks that is not natural.  Not sleeping in your bed, not on your own schedule, not in the country you have come to know, not a daily part of your community, not in the climate that your body is acclimated to…you get the idea :)

Our trip home for the holidays was wonderful and beautiful and rich!  We LOVED and valued the time that we had with our families and the few friends that we were able to see; however towards the end of our time we were longing to go home.  We all battle sickness in the states and after a month, the lack of schedule just wears on you a little.

We were so blessed to drive back in the the COTP gates on New Years Day to the sound of nannies clapping as we came into view.  For the past week we have been hugged and kissed and greeted with such delight and affection.  We truly are blessed to be back and to have the opportunity to serve in this place.

Two of our kiddos really battled some anxiety the last week that we were in the states.  They had different behaviors and attitudes atypical of their normal personalities…It then went on to seem that I had carried that anxiety back with me.  I am not sure if it was the travel, the transition (which I am actually horrible at), or the fact that I was starting school, but I am confident that it was going back into a place where we had been beat up a little before we left.

Let me make clear what I mean in that…

I feel like it was one of those stormy seasons.  The kind that God allows.  You know, the kind that hurts, but in which you are very aware of the chiseling that is happening to your heart…to your soul.

Rob and I both went through this.  We were both working in full-time roles here at COTP--daily passing the baton back and forth, doing what we could to be that eagle that keeps flying amidst the raging storm.

In reflection, we are both acutely aware of the hedge of protection that was placed around our marriage and our kids.  During a time where we should have struggled and our kids should have solidified their need for therapy, God's hand CLEARLY and concisely PROTECTED.  Do you know how reassuring  and affirming that is?  Just to know that we are here and we are walking the path he has for us (sometimes crawling) and that in all of that HE HAS OUR BACK.

That is what I am trying to remember…HE HAS OUR BACK.

When you are in the field and on the journey, there are so many times that you know the ones you are walking with and serving alongside are in the same place you are…they are tired, pressed on every side, and empty.  For this reason, although surrounded by others, you often feel alone in what you are facing.

I think for me this is where the anxiety crept in.

In coming back we were confident.  I would be stepping down as Lead COTP nurse and transitioning to a more advisory role and Rob would be the main "working" one in our family.  My cousin, Bailey Boelter, would be traveling with us to help us care for the kids and around the house, and I would be heading back to school to work towards my masters in Nurse Midwifery and doctorate in Nursing Practice.

It was a good plan…It is a good plan…

It is our plan…

Oh man…

So my anxiety maxed out.  I felt all of the old things hanging outside our door and yet I heard and felt the gentle whisper and calm breeze propelling me forward and speaking to my heart, "I still got your back."

I felt home.  I felt grounded in my surroundings and amidst it all I knew that I trusted.  Trusted that we are where we are supposed to be for such a time as this.  Trusted that God has cared for us up until this point and has no intentions of leaving us now.  And above all I trusted that God would make His plans known daily to us--that He would direct our paths, call us out, push us onward, and cross our paths with those who He has chosen for us to love and serve.

Our hearts are truly full.  When we went home in December we both said that although we felt bruised, we in no way felt defeated or drained.  We have learned what it feels like to be sustained, despite all adversity.  And we have learned that no matter where we are and where we are going, it is always the Lord's desire to draw us back to Him and His heart each morning and every night…

Home again, Home again, Jiggety Jig :)