I know you're waiting...

I know you are waiting to hear from me...

So much has been going on in the last few weeks...there is so much to write about and so much to say...

Yet, as I sit down to type...nothing comes...

We have had the worst internet in the past week.  Supposedly we upgraded to a better internet system, but it has been out and not working more in the past week than when we first got internet set up. 

I have a new theory on this.  I really think that this is God's protection for me right now.  I see it like this.  With no internet I haven't been able to update my status as often nor have I been able to process through writing and share with you my experiences over the past weeks.  Yes, this is a positive...

From December 20th on, so many people are involved and affected by the events that happened down here on the ground in Haiti.  Emotions are high and the hurt runs deep. Yes, this applies to my own hurt but also the hurt of those who children were directly or even indirectly by the illness that we had.  I want to respect them and honor them...I feel really sensitive to whatever I would write about the entire ordeal and I want to choose my words so carefully and intimately discern what it is God has for me to share.

I haven't really had time to process these events myself.  I am always "on"...always thinking about who needs me and who needs what, there definitely has not been time to work through the feelings that I have...

God is giving me grace and time...

And in that time I am hanging on, I am doing ok...almost well...but that too is hard, b/c I know under the surface there is more to tap into, and I am just biding my time waiting for the door to open...

I want to respond to you all...all of you who have answered the cries for help and sent messages of love, blessing and encouragement...

But at the same time, questions like "How was your Christmas?"  "Did you have a good birthday?"  Those things right now are so relative based on the context of the past events...Christmas was VERY different for our family down here this year!  A baby got VERY sick on Christmas morning and I spent most of the day at the hospital...the girls did so well, trying to be patient, but had a rough day waiting and waiting to open their gifts...on my birthday, cholera resurfaced...again, cholera did not get the memo that it was NOT invited to my birthday party!!!

So again, not sure how to process...

God had different things for us to learn this Christmas, different things for us to focus on...and when I find them, which I am starting to-and in the process really glimpsing the heart of the Father-I will be more than willing to share them with you.  Just know and be prepared that it might look and sound very different than what you are expecting my answer to be...it may involve really hard things and more than likely tears...just saying...

So, I know you are waiting and so many of you are eager to hear...I will respond and reply...but I need God to help me work through some places first and I need to give time and respect where it is due...

Thank you to all who prayed, all who responded in so many different ways...my heart is blessed to travel this road with you as we are all following him!