Friday, November 21, 2014

Authenticity vs. Intimacy

I read this yesterday...

Sometimes I wonder if, in our rush for authenticity, we have forgotten how beautiful it can be to keep secrets. Not the shameful kind but the "just for us" kind, I mean. I've purposely been practicing the spiritual discipline of secrecy for much of what is going on in my heart and spirit these past few months. At first it was so difficult and weird - is it real if you don't document it on Facebook or blog about it?! - but now I've relearned the truth that new life often comes forth in quiet, hidden, and sacred places. In the meantime, keeping secrets and holding more of our stories and evolutions, our victories or sorrows close to the bone suits just fine. Who knew, eh? As a writer or any kind of minister or artist perhaps, it's hard not to turn one's life into content or impose narrative on every moment. The discipline of keeping secrets is a good cure for simply letting it unfold for a while, without expectation of affirmation or criticism.

It isn't just that I think this is a GOOD WORD for my own life...I think this is what is keeping me from blogging.  From telling you all of the details and the stories and the sweet, sweet moments...

From letting you see me raw...I am sorry to those of you who are so close in these next few days, weeks, and months.  I really think all of us will just be a little raw for a while...

From sharing them, because they are ours...they are the memories we are walking around capturing with our "cameras" (our hearts) and asking God to preserve.  Here are a few glimpse of some of those...











This being in two places...having a heart that is stuck in two worlds...this stuff is just flat out messy business.  Our grandma is visiting us right now, and she has been so excited to be here!!!  We have ALL  enjoyed being together with her and spending time.  The girls spent an entire morning making a special Christmas craft for the family, and had a great time!  However, Grandma is in the world that we are headed too (which is a good thing :)...talk of Christmas, and cousins, and school, and shopping, and belongings...all of that is what we are going towards.  And it is causing us to all feel pretty conflicted, because that is not the world that we are still in...Whether it is grandma, or any of our awesome friends/family/community back in the states, I think the feeling would be the same.

I sat with Gracie yesterday afternoon, and just listened, held her hand and dried her tears...
"Mom, this is hard...I wish I could be in both places.  Please done remind me ever, that our days are going away."
"Gra, we are going to need each other these next few months.  We are going to need to remind each other of E's giggle, RM's joking laugh, and A's smile...we are going to need to lay on the floor together and close our eyes and walk each other down the road that we walked so often.  Tell each other about the cows coming down the road, the school kids yelling "How are you?!?", and the random person saying, "Give me one dollar."  We will need to remind each other that no matter how out of place we feel...just when we think that no one understands or knows where we have been...God doesn't put us on islands, to leave us alone.
(So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10).
We will always be known by him, and know each other.  We have journeyed together, and NOTHING that God has led us into, nothing that God has done in, around, or through us will be lost.  In all things, God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to HIS purpose.

Our hearts our raw.  We love this place, these people, and we love who God has grown "us" to be.  We are a family who values LOVE, strives to speak truth, has seen injustice, and agrees that once you see, you can't unsee.  We have a list of the ways that God has broken our hearts for what breaks his, shown us glimpses of his face and his power, shown us JOY when things seemed so dark, and spoken peace and strength over us when we were unable to walk or stand.

...we have friends in two places and hearts that share time in both worlds.

We are a family that is seeing how this is just the beginning of serving together and journeying together.  We are seeing ways that God is taking things from the beginning of this journey and showing us how he plans to continue them, or use them, or preserve them in our hearts.  We are seeing the value that comes from doing this as a family, and as challenging as it is sometimes to spend so much time together, we are so grateful for the way that each person makes our family better and more complete!

I want to share with you a few of the moments we have been experiencing...and I want to solicit your continued prayer support.  I was going to sit down and send a message to some of our people...and then I realized it would take way to long to choose and send the message to so many!  We need your prayers!

Prayer requests:
-That was are able to claim JOY every morning, to see the blessing of each day and to claim each day as a gift that God has given us in this place.
-That we would have peace in all of our comings and goings in the days to come as we continue to step back from our roles and spend time with those around us.
-That our hearts would find peace and rest in God alone, in His plan, and his sovereignty.
-That packing and all of the logistics of leaving would be flawless and smooth
-That we would draw encouragement from those around us that we do life with everyday.
-That our house would be a house of peace, praise, and worship to you Lord!
-That we would be patient with each other, and reminded that we are going through this together
-That we would extend grace and receive grace as we interact with those who "get" where we have been...a place and a season that we are fiercely passionate about and that is a large part of who we ALL are!

Moments:
-Having visitors has been GREAT!  We have loved showing Aunt Shirley, Grandma Doreen and soon Sarah and Jeremy where we live and work and play!
-One morning, a nanny said, "Ou pa di mwe..."  I was confused, but she went on to say, "You didn't tell me you were leaving."  Tears flowed.  A day of chatting and hugging and crying followed, and we are still telling people one by one of our plans.  Sweet moments!  No one is holding the door for us and shooing us out, but rather so many are praying for our speedy return.  We are grateful...
-We took our sweet friend Witchelie to dinner last night at a restaurant.  It was her first time eating out, which we didn't fully realize at the time.  It was so fun to see her face, her wide eyes and her smile when her meal arrived.  We loved sharing this with her, and we should have done it sooner :)
-beach days are our favorite and we have gotten to go three times and spend time near the waters with awesome people!  There isn't much a day at the beach won't fix!
-We had our first staff retreat!  Rob planned and helped lead this, and did a FANTASTIC job!  It was chaos...let's be honest 19 kids, 18adults...we were outnumbered from the start!  but Rob and I both loved the time we were able to spend with everyone and it was definitely a very special time in these last weeks.
-Kids are being reunited, gaining weight, standing on their own, and healing from ailments!  We are daily faced with smiles and screams and giggles from some of the cutest little people on earth!
-"Juliann ran to hug me and talk with me today.  She said she will never stop praying for us, and that her daughter has been in tears the past few days over hearing of our leaving.  She told me that there is no use in crying--if our hearts are too sad, we can't pray and talk with God, and if we can't stop crying we need to go to church and be in God's presence and pray.  She told me I would always be her friend."
-We have been singing together...ALOT!
-Sweet conversations with fellow staff members.  Opportunities to affirm and bless them, and receiving similar blessings from them in return.
-Tough chats...the kind that remind you that the hard work is worth the fight...that God has called us higher and deeper and that together, if we are willing to do the hard work, we will go where he has called us!

I hope that this update finds you well...
I hope it reminds you that we are still here, that we are grateful for all of you who have walked this road with us, prayed for us, blessed us...
I hope you will continue to lift us up in prayer and grant us grace...
I hope...I hope in someone, and trust in someone, and believe in someONE so much bigger and greater and stronger than all I could ask or imagine!  Amen...



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