Friday, August 30, 2013

"God's Purpose or Mine?"

Over the course of the past year, I have been doing the Jesus Calling devotional.  I am now finding myself making my way back through some of the devotionals again and it is amazing to me how they still continue to speak so directly to my heart so often.  This morning, however, it was Rob's devotional that so accurately reflected what my heart has been struggling with and spoke boldly what I have been desperately in need of hearing...of being reminded.

I love it!  It was found in "My Utmost for HIS Highest" devotional.  This is also so very special because it is the devotional that Rob's Grandma gave to him before we moved to Haiti...the one that she used and was reading through while Grandpa Great was sick and struggling in his final months and days.

I want to share it with you.  I promise you will not be disappointed ;)

"We tend to think that if Jesus Christ compels us to do something we are obedient to Him, He will lead us to great success.  We should never have the thought that our dreams of success are God's purpose for us.  In fact, His purpose may be exactly the opposite.  WE have the idea that God is leading us toward a particular end or a desired goal, but He is not.  The question of whether or not we arrive at a particular goal is of little importance, and reaching it becomes merely an episode along the way.  What we see as only the process of reaching a particular end, God sees as the goal itself.

What is my vision of God's purpose for me?  Whatever it may be, His purpose is for me to depend on Him and on His power now.  If I can stay calm, faithful and unconfused while in the middle of the turmoil of life, the goal of the purpose of God is being accomplished in me.  God is not working toward a particular finish--His purpose is the process itself.  What he desires for me is that I see "Him walking on the sea" with no shore, no success, not goal in sight, but simply having absolute certainty that everything is alright because I see "Him walking on the sea" (Mark 6:49).  It is the process, not the outcome, that is glorifying to God.

God's training is for now, not later.  His purpose is for this very minute, not for sometime in the future.  We have nothing to do with what will follow our obedience, and we are wrong to concern ourselves with it.  What people call preparation, God sees as the goal itself.  God's purpose is to enable me to see that He can walk on the storms of my life right now.  If we have a further goal in mind, we are not paying enough attention to the present time.  However, if we realize that moment-by-moment obedience is the goal, then each moment as it comes is precious."

I have been surviving the storms on my own strength.  I have been OVERWHELMED with my current state and not able to see past the reach of my own hand.

But as I am also reading in One Thousand Gifts, "There is a reason I am not writing the story and God is."

In the past few weeks, thanks greatly in part to the BEAUTIFUL "Nurse Tori" (a lovely lady who was down at COTP for two weeks in August to walk in the nursing role with me), I am choosing one day at a time and I am choosing Joy!!!  I am waking each morning, fully aware that I am not enough for the day and fully aware of my need for God's provision and strength.  I am also fully aware that all I need do is be still and know...all I need do is commune with Him and I am fulfilling my purpose and am equipped to love others out of the overflow that comes from that communion with God.

Every day is a CHOICE!  Every. Day.

It is easy for me to think of buried babies, empty handed mothers, or red-headed children...a world packed with pain, and look at "all the mysteries I have refused, refused, to let nourish me.  If it were my daughter, my son?  Would I really choose the manna?  I only tremble, wonder..."

"That which tears open our souls, those holes that splatter our sight, may actually become the thin, open places to see through the mess of this place to the heart-aching beauty beyond.  To Him. To the God whom we endlessly crave."  (One Thousand Gifts, Voskamp)

How do we get to these places?  How do we find the grace and joy and beauty eternal and learn to live, and live wildly where we are planted?

I don't know the answer...but I do know that I am determined to find it.  Determined to choose joy, to indulge in the manna that God has given me each day, and determined to fulfill the purpose God has for me...to be in his presence and his will.  

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